Things I’ve Learned: The Deal with Freshmen

Things I’ve Learned: The Deal with Freshmen

“What I Learned” is collection of the most notable and painful stories to read I’ve experienced throughout high school. This series is every reason not to make the decisions I have.

On July 6th, 2017, I entered the witness protection program following a pernicious encounter with a herd of thirst-ridden freshmen boys. I write this under masked URLs, a cork oak tree, Chanel sunglasses, and red lipstick. Not a day goes by where I don’t fear for my life. All names have been changed to maintain their safety.
First and foremost, my getaway vehicle is important. The way one of my accomplices, Beatrix, drove her 2010 Honda Accord was comparable to Baby Driver himself, sans the badass-ness of a stick-shift car. The cover of that humid summer night is what ended up saving us all. Myself, and Beatrix were in the company of two other high-profile citizens: Ron and Luna. Ron was our navigator, Luna, our source of humor and wildcard.
Our plans for the night?
We didn’t have any. Our brilliant idea became wandering around the great and vast suburbs of the Lutherville-Timonium area waiting for something better to do. This quest eventually brought us to Springlake Swim club where the trouble began in the parking lot. A collective scream was released from all of us when we first heard the sound of crackling explosives soar through the night sky. More specifically, Phantom Fireworks. Ever driven past the Timonium “Shopping” center in the summer? Those bisque pop-up stands gave off two vibes: undoubtedly seedy, most certainly trashy.
Right ahead of us stood the perpetrators. 6 boys, dressed head to toe in neon Nike and Under Armour laughed at their impeccable, underaged, judgement to shoot off fireworks on public property (not to mention the persnickety retirees onlooking from their porch). I now realize my biggest blunder was to approach them, the sight of not one, not two, but three girls over the age of 14 stunned them into incompetency. It was me who spoke first.
“What are you doing?”
I’ve never seen heads turn faster in my life. Full-fledged “The Exorcist” style muscle relaxation and total neck rotation. Before I could get a response, Beatrix, Luna, and I were surrounded by sinister infants shining iPhone flashlights in our faces and asking for our Instagrams. Ron provided no help in fending off the hound dogs as he leaned against our only means of survival, Kendra, our beloved Honda. In a fleeting moment, the three of us fled, only leaving behind the sound of squealing tires.
Here’s what I learned: do not underestimate the power of freely flowing testosterone, and never see where the night takes you.

Audrey Bartholomew ’19 || Lit Staff

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