Welcome, Spring! At long (long) last, you have arrived, and brought with you another adventure! Fantastic! Let’s cut to the chase. I, Magic Mike the Psych, the best cutter of the chase, shall predict your spring time life.
For everyone with red hair – you shall experience the taste of love this summer, possibly tripping on the border of sexual tension; however, it will be most enjoyable. Life will become fun again and you may even be able to forget that your hair is an ugly color.
For everyone born on an odd number day – you will be submerged into a world of difficult decision making, where time cannot stand still and begs for an answer that you don’t have. Like Teachers, with the exception that this is about morality and dignity. You’ll still be stuck with the same answer though: I dun know.
For everyone with a fluffy pet – Okay, this one is a given. You have a nice, fluffy pet, how can your life not be awesome?
For everyone with an name beginning with an ‘M’: For the purpose of this being a school run blog, I’ll put this into appropriate terms. You are the end result of a bolt tightened in to a setting. You are a woman after having coitus. You are screwed, essentially. Life will literally crash down on you; have fun!
For everyone below the weight of 100 – You are too skinny and a group of us larger size people are going to form an attack on you and your thin brethren. That’s not even a prediction, rather just a fact.
AND, if by chance you aren’t a red haired, thin, owner of a fluffy pet with a name beginning in ‘M’ with an odd number birthday, then you’re in trouble. Bye.
Michael Broyles ’15 || Assignments Editor